He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
