Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
