I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
