if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
