Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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