Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
