is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
