Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
