we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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