I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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