defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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