I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
