Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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