Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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