Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
