You're so nebulous sometimes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
