He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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