im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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