so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
