Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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