I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
