Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
