i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
