if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
