What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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