we made out on top of his cat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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