i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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