she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
