Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
