Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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