dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
