So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
