Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
