I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i now understand why vodka
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
