I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
