sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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