I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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