There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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