Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
