it was like fucking gandolphs beard
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
