tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
