i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
