Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
