Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
