If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
