i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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