I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
