i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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