I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I love you.
Bad choice
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
