Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
