Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
