Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
