Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
